


Since We’ve Grown, We Long for Concrete Things

by Introvertedintellect350



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Addressing trauma, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Season 1 Fitzsimmons, Season 1 ep 20, Sharing a Bed, So basically, even if they can't say it out loud yet, they're shy and awkward but still love each other unconditionally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25598323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Introvertedintellect350/pseuds/Introvertedintellect350
Summary: The aftermath is always the hardest thing to deal with, almost more than the betrayal itself, or the senseless violence. What happens after S.H.I.E.L.D. has just been dismantled and the team is settled at a crappy motel for the night? The events of the past couple days threaten to drown Jemma as she tries to relax that night, and finds herself wanting desperately to cling to theonething she knows is always there for her. Fitz. The very ground beneath her feet feels unstable and and if she can't trust anyone anymore who can she turn to?A missing scene set directly post s1, ep20 in which Jemma struggles to deal with the betrayal of Ward, and Hydra having infiltrated and thus taken down S.H.I.E.L.D.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 6
Kudos: 25





	Since We’ve Grown, We Long for Concrete Things

“There must be some reason that Ward did it.” Fitz spoke for the first time in minutes, looking out across the pool as they sat at the edge, feet dipped in up to their ankles. “Maybe they brainwashed him.”

“Don’t know.” Jemma replied quietly, “Some people are just evil.”

He leaned back on his hands, glancing over at her, “Well I’d rather not believe that.”

“It’s true!” She defended. “I just assumed we’d be better at spotting it,” Her tone turned slightly bitter and she frowned, staring down at the water. They were silent for a few moments and Jemma thought the conversation over.

“Tell me that you’re not Hydra.” Fitz said suddenly, seriously.

Jemma looked over, surprised, “What?” 

“I know that it’s ridiculous, but I just need to hear you say it.” He met her eyes only for a moment before looking down, as if ashamed of what he was asking. 

She softened, understanding, and leaned forward nearer him and met his gaze. “I’m not Hydra, Fitz.” She said it softly but emphatically, she meant it. 

Fitz nodded, “Yeah good. Good. And I – ‘cause I’m not, either.” 

“Of _course_ not.” She couldn’t stop the small eye roll she gave him as she leaned back to her original position against the pool handrail.

“’Cause – ‘cause if you ever did-”

“I wouldn’t.”

“-I don’t know _what_ I would do.” 

“You’ll never have to find out.” She gave him as reassuring a smile as she could and reached out to rest a hand on his knee. She felt him tense, then relax, minutely under her touch. 

One by one, the team began to head to bed. Soon, it was just her and Fitz at the edge of the pool, silently contemplating what a turn their lives had taken – how had none of them _known?_ She looked out across the pool, then movement caught her eye to her left and she watched as Skye climbed the stairs to the second floor and slipped into her room. They were well and truly the last ones up. She didn’t know what time it was anyway – it must be late, surely. Her gaze wandered back down to the small ripples in the water and felt a yawn pushing its way up. Exhaustion weighed on her shoulders like a boulder, though it was small compared to the thoughts running around her head that she kept trying to force away. 

I’m going to bed, Fitz.” She announced quietly, speaking any louder felt wrong, and stood to make her way across the concrete to her and Fitz’s room. They were sharing one, of course, but there were two beds. She flipped on the light and made her way to the bathroom. When she came out a minute later, Fitz had joined her in the room, yawning widely and stretching, a small strip of skin below his shirt becoming visible as his arms rose above his head. She pretended not to notice and instead reached for a bundle of clothes she had set on the counter when they’d arrived. Ducking back into the bathroom, she undressed and dressed in a comfortable pair of lounge pants and a loose long-sleeved shirt. Emerging a few moments later as she undid her ponytail and combed her fingers through her hair, Jemma saw him sitting on the edge of a bed, head in his hands, looking defeated. 

She could see just how much of a toll this had taken on him – and herself and felt an urge to bury herself in his arms and never let go. He was the one who had always been there, her best friend and maybe more – not that she’d admit that – and especially now, after everything had fallen around them, he was still there, right in front of her. Stepping closer to him she breathed a soft, “ _Oh, Fitz_ ,” And rested a hand on his shoulder gently. He looked up and gave her a wane smile, bringing his hand up to cover hers. For a few moments they just stood there, silently comforting and understanding each other, and it was only when Fitz yawned widely did the silence break and she stepped back, hand falling to her side once more. They were both exhausted and needed sleep. Things would look better in the morning after some sleep, wouldn’t they?

“G’night, Jemma.” Fitz yawned as he turned and climbed into the bed furthest from the door, having changed into a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants and an undershirt they had found whilst the team had taken a quick shopping trip for the necessities just before arriving at the motel. 

“Goodnight, Fitz.” Jemma replied, making her way to her own bed after switching off the light and double-checking that the door was locked and dead-bolted. Once she settled into bed and closed her eyes, _that’s_ when everything crashed over her, settling like a dark, heavy blanket.

Jemma tried her hardest not to sigh, opening her eyes to stare at the ceiling mere moments after she’d closed them. She felt uncomfortable. She felt lost. She felt betrayed, and confused, and hurt, and sad, and right now, _acutely_ – lonely. Everyone on the team felt far away. Skye was dealing with her own kind of betrayal from Ward, and Garrett, and she couldn’t even _imagine_ how she must be feeling, all alone in her room. She almost wished she could have Skye in this bed next to her, she felt that lonely. She felt tense, agitated, on edge, as if waiting for something. _Anything_. Ward to come bursting through the door to hurt them; Hydra to drop a bomb on them maybe, as absurd as that seemed, nothing was out of the question anymore. Maybe what Fitz had said earlier was true. Maybe people weren’t inherently evil, but were molded to be that way. Ward had been shaped by whatever happened in his past, perhaps his childhood. She had a feeling it was Garrett who’d done the worst of the molding him into a traitorous _monster_ who’d killed - 

Fitz rolled over on his bed, causing the springs in the cheap mattress to squeak with his every movement, pulling Jemma out of her spiraling thoughts. Looking over, she could see him lying on his side, eyes closed, one hand tucked under his pillow and the other curled up to his chest. She’d spent enough late nights in his dorm at the Academy to know that when he usually slept, he didn’t sleep curled up on his side, he slept on his back mostly with his arms down at his sides. Relaxed, no tension held in his shoulders or his jaw, both of which still looked tight. He seemed to be having just as much trouble relaxing as she was, even as exhausted as she knew they all were. 

From her current position, the space between them seemed impossibly far. If there were one person she knew without a doubt that could make her feel safe, secure, it was Fitz. He was comfortable, and even though she knew they were safe for tonight, she knew she would feel even safer next to him. Right next to him. Before she had made a conscious decision, she was rising out of her bed, pushing the sheets off her and sitting up. Given the tension in his shoulders, the shortened, tense inhales and exhales, and the way it stopped when she slipped next to him, then forcefully went back to normal, Jemma was one-hundred percent positive Fitz was still awake as she slipped into bed beside him. She lay facing him, far enough away not to touch but close enough she could relax now, fully.

“Jemma, what’re you-” Fitz started to whisper as she settled in, able to feel the tension leave her body, just the simple act of moving herself closer to him relaxing her. His gaze searched hers, expression confused and slightly flustered.

“I can’t sleep feeling so far away from everyone.” She whispered, cutting him off without meaning to, but suddenly, she just _had_ to explain herself. The words were coiled inside her and if she didn’t speak them this instant, she’d never have the chance of sleeping tonight. The team felt like it was falling apart around them, and with the discovery of Ward being Hydra and then all of shield falling, the world under her feet felt anything but steady. And her best friend, her _rock_ was the only thing that seemed stable and solid enough to express her feelings to. “Shield has fallen apart at the seams, Fitz. Maybe you’re right, maybe people aren’t born evil, but how did we not see _Hydra_ within Shield so thoroughly? How did Ward get so close to us without any of us suspecting a thing?” Jemma whispered, feeling her throat tighten suddenly, emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She could feel the tears stinging her eyes and swallowed past the lump in her throat to continue, but Fitz spoke first. 

“We can’t blame ourselves, Jem.” He sounded insistent, pleading for her to believe him. “Ward betrayed us all, and none of us saw it coming. And of course, he wasn’t born evil, Garrett made him like that. He turned him into someone who saw the world backwards from the way we see it – and there’s nothin’ we could’ve done about that.” 

“But he _killed_ -” She replied, tears wetting her cheeks and her voice breaking “- he killed Agent Koenig.” As his name passed her lips, a sob broke its way out of her, emotions flooding every crevice of her being. Grief for the loss of so many good agents, of hurt and betrayal from one of their own, for the fall of Shield and essentially having nothing left to stand back up on. It was all too much, and Jemma crumbled. She reached out blindly for comfort and found a hand, clutching hers tightly as she pulled herself in closer and fought to breathe through sobs that wracked her body. 

Her rock. Her lighthouse in the storm that was Shield. Her best friend. Her _Fitz_. 

She cried as his arms wrapped around her tightly, and minutes passed as she tried desperately to reel herself back in. Images flashed behind her eyes – _blood dripping on her tablet, her gaze traveling upward to a scene she’d never forget. Mutilated skin. So much blood. The scream that must have come from her but sounded detached, as if it wasn’t real, the sound echoing in the storeroom and crashing hard against her ears._ For several moments, she was lost in the horrific memory, stuck reliving it. Fitz’s arms held her steady, hands flat against her back and pressing tightly, and she could feel his heartbeat against her own chest. Focusing on what she could physically feel and knew was solid, real, and most importantly _not going anywhere_ , was what calmed her. She’d always been one to take the rational stance on things, but this was too difficult and overwhelming to rationalize or compartmentalize, so it flooded her. Slowly but surely, her sobs subsided, and she realized she could breathe without hiccuping. The next thing she noticed, was Fitz’s steady murmuring, a string of nearly unintelligible whispers of comfort, trying to soothe her, and she nearly burst into tears again. How had she gotten so lucky as to find him?

Desperately trying to not let it get awkward, she pulled away far enough so she could wipe the tears off her face and give Fitz a tentative, trembling smile as his whispers stopped. The smile he returned was reassuring, even if it didn’t last long, and she noticed his eyes glazed with the sheen of tears as well.

“Thank you,” She breathed, reaching for his hand once again and reaffirming his solidity. “I don’t know what came ov-”

“It’s okay, Jemma.” Fitz replied quietly, squeezing her hand, “I’m not going anywhere.”

She knew that. She knew he wasn’t going anywhere. But hearing him say it made it even more real, and she found herself relaxing once again, feeling the exhaustion creep back up on her, all her emotions spent. Sighing heavily, she shifted closer to Fitz and let her eyes fall closed as she breathed, “I’m not going anywhere either,” before letting sleep claim her. 

It didn’t escape her notice that the next morning, neither of them had moved from the bed and in fact, Fitz’s arm was draped over her as he lay facing her, still asleep. Everything might have gone to hell in a hand basket with Shield, but she knew without a trace of a doubt that Fitz would be there beside her the whole damn time.

**Author's Note:**

> Came up with this idea during my rewatch of AoS but it was just a series of emotions and a vague concept of what I wanted the fic to feel like when reading, and virtually nothing else. Somehow I came up with this, I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you thought, I'd love feedback :)


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